livejournal status

So, I'm sure that it's because my semester abroad is coming to a close, but I'm sitting in the dark, alone, in my bed, feeling nostalgic. Facebook has a way of making you remember all the different parts of your life, when you see the profile of someone you haven't seen, let alone thought about, in years. I wonder what it would be like to put all of my friends, from all the different periods of my life, into one room. Sometimes, when I talk to people I went to middle school with, or other people from back in the day, they are still in Santa Barbara, maybe going to school, but generally hanging out with the same people, doing the same old stuff. I don't know how I feel about that. At first, I think, wow, I just spent four months in an AMAZING city, living on my own, and those people hang out at Muddy Waters still. Some of them have become really successful musicians, other people are doing the same things that I am: finishing school, studying abroad, making new friends, forging new paths. I feel really lame writing about how a chapter in my life is closing or whatever.

I feel like I've always been a pretty cool kid, if I was usually ahead of the curve (aka was not actually cool, but then was vindicated when what I did became cool). I feel like I'm headed back to America with a much better sense of who I am, which I suppose is the point of studying abroad.
I feel like I'm finally old enough to start 'real life.' You know, do all of those things you talk about doing someday, instead of sitting in an office all summer. I still don't know if I have a job waiting for me, but I'm not actually worried, but I might be a little scared.

I'm going to miss Amsterdam, if I haven't said that enough. But I am ready to leave. I haven't finished my last paper, but it will get done. I haven't done a lot of the things I wanted to, but that's okay. Now I'll have an excuse to come back. I've spent the last couple of days working, packing, watching youtube videos. The weather in Amsterdam has been fabulous, but I haven't been taking advantage of it. I hate making plans, because plans become obligations. I'll try to work on that. I'm excited that so many of my friends will be in L.A. this summer. I probably have a very romanticised view of what it will be like, but I hope reality can come at least a little bit close to what I imagine.

I'm starting to think about the whole grad school, culinary school, life after college thing. I really thought that college was the last thing. Literally. You went to school, you got into college. There was no next step. There was that vague thing about growing up, but I never paid enough attention to it. Now I'm scrambling to figure out my next move. I know that I still have time. I just hope the economy makes some jobs so that I might have one someday.

Enough of my 2am rambles. I'll be home in less than 48 hours. GET EXCITED!


I hate when songwriters rhyme a word with itself. It doesn't count, and it makes the rhyming seem really trite and conceived, instead of natural and organic.
Also, youtube has a new play list feature. I'm in love.